Lets start with the basics.
What makes a good Gorean Relationship?
There are 3 things that make for a good Gorean relationship and they are the same two things that make a good vanilla relationship; honesty, trust and communication. If you don't have those, your in the wrong relationship. It's that simple.
Common Sense
We don't live on Gor. We can't ride on tarns. We can't kills slaves that are displeasing. We can't force a girl to stay in a collar if she wants out. To be blunt, you can not break the law or make someone do what they don't want to do. Gor on Earth is a consensual relationship. There is no pure institution of slavery outside the boundaries of your community. Even on Gor, the laws of a city only went as far as it's borders.
Consensual Slavery and what it is
We don't live on Gor so it's illegal to go grab someone off the street, force collar that person, and call him/her a slave. It just don't work that way and if you try it, you'll likely be in jail. Gor in real life is a relationship between two consenting adults; one who feels the need to give up control of him/herself to be complete and one who needs to be in control of another to be complete. It's called power exchange. It is though this power exchange that both people feel whole and totally who they are. So in this kind of relationship, the submissive partner (the slave) gives up control of his/her own free will to another (the Free Person) who accepts that control of their own free will. If either party feels things are not working out, the collar and be removed and both parties can go on their separate ways. This is consensual slavery. The slavery exists within the relationship so long as both parties consent to it.
Does this mean a girl has to have a collar to be a slave?
The answer is a resounding NO! Because this is consensual slavery, she is a slave because she believes in the ideals of being a slave and wants to give up control. A collar has nothing to do with that on Earth. The girl can still be a slave within the community and seek out the control of the Free of the community until she finds the right Free Person to turn herself over too. Then and only then should a collar be chosen and worn. Though it doesn't necessarily need to be 24/7 depending on the real life situation and circumstances. After all the true collar is worn on the heart. The one on her neck is just an outward showing of her submission to the Master she's given herself to completely for all others to see.
How do I know Gor is the right type of relationship for me?
That is going to rest solely in your hands. If the ideals and principles of Gor feel normal and natural to you, then Gor is probably right for you. If you feel you have to constantly work at it or that something is wrong with Gor, then it's likely something IS wrong and Gor may not be for you.
How do I know if I am free or slave?
Again, that depends on you. No one can teach you to be a Free Person or a slave, it is in born. People can help bring it to the surface if it's there, but if it's not there, then it is not there. It's all about your personality and who you feel you are in your heart and soul. So, being Gorean means knowing yourself completely, even the things you don't like about yourself. I would not even consider getting into a relationship until you have made the trip of self discovery first. Find out who you are.
It's also going to depend on the relationship. Some men find that certain woman that always seems to be able to control them and so they choose to become her slave, even though they are very dominant with others about them. On the flip side, some women find they can not be dominated by men. Either that woman has not found the right man yet, or she is not a slave. I'll state here however it's my person belief that all women desire to seek and find that one man that can and will fit her need to be controlled and dominated. To me that is just human nature or nature in general. Though of course there will be those that disagree.
The simple fact of the matter will be. It's going to come down to who you are and who your with.
Now that you know who you are:
Now the trick is finding the right person to compliment who you are. That can be equally as difficult a task as finding out who you are. Just be patient, take your time, talk with people who interest you, and eventually you'll find your match. If your like me, you'll have some bad experiences along the way. You'll think you have found the right person, only for it to go wrong. It happens. Sometimes it even really hurts. However, all you can do is be you and keep trying. You'll get there.
Warnings about Gor In Real Life
** I have been in many a debate with people over this topic. Most are idiots, in my opinion, with no real sense of what it means to be Gorean. You can usually tell these people pretty quickly. They tend to disbelieve that slaves are people, that it's impossible and wrong to love them. That in and of itself should be a clear indication something is amiss. All humans are people and deserve to be loved. A slave perhaps more so as she's given all that she is over to the Master and that is a great responsibility. Beware of them, they do not follow the Gorean Lifestyle. Real Goreans respect the books that are the basis of the Gorean Lifestyle. Yes there are some required adaptations because we live on Earth. We don't ride tarns, we can't kills slaves, these kinds of things are obvious impossibilities. However, being part of Gor means respecting the books of Gor as the primary guide. You can't just pick and choose what you want. The idea of living the Gorean Lifestyle is to live as close to the book as is possible based on the laws of where you live. You only change what MUST be changed by law, and leave the rest alone. Simple as that. Free Women do not go around naked because their "Free and they want to." That is nonsense and against the rules of being Gorean. If you meet one of these people, go the other way otherwise they will screw you up greatly.**
Gor is a hard, and often cruel, lifestyle. So be careful of idiots and morons they will often lead you into abusive situations!!
Getting Into Gor in Real Life
As I said above, the Gor books are our guide in Gor. If you have not read them, you should do so before you enter into a Gorean relationship. Once you have read the books, your next best step is to find a local Gorean Community and go observe and talk to people. Be careful where you go online, though, most online are just whacko that or know very little and have themselves little to no real knowledge of the books other then what they have read online or heard from others and accept it as truth. However, there are some good Gorean's online.
What should you expect when you enter a Gorean community? Well that is going to vary depending on whether you enter as a Free Person or as a slave.
If you enter as a Free Person, do not expect a warm welcome. While the slaves will be open and inviting, the Free Women tend to be arrogant and demanding. Most Free Women that I know of think they are on equal footing with Free Men. WRONG! Women, even Free Women, hold the rung below men in the Gorean Lifestyle and many forget that. Now when dealing with the Free Men, some will be more then willing to help you, some will just call you names and treat you like dirt. The trick is to find the better of all the above.
If you enter as a slave, be prepared to deal with idiots that only want you for sex. There are plenty of these morons out there. They will tell you that because they are Free and you are slave, you have to obey them. That is nonsense and if you meet one tell them to take a hike, they are not a TRUE Free Person. As a slave, your first duty is to protect yourself until you are owned. Why? Because you will be your owner's most valuable and pricesless possession. Even once you are owned, you owner will set down rules for you, obey them and always protect yourself. If something feels wrong, talk to your owner. If something feels wrong with your owner, talk to others in the community and ask questions. Now many Goreans would jump down my throat for saying that you should talk to others in the community and frankly they are technically correct. However, as I said, Gor is not always safe. It is hard and cruel and many abusers like to hang out in the lifestyle. So be careful and be smart. A good kajira is NOT a door mat, she has a brain and she uses it. If you think your in trouble, ask for help.
Let's face it folks, the Gorean Community is just like any other community. We have our good people and we have our bad as well as our nuts. My personal opinion is that we should police ourselves and try to keep the nuts for certain to a minimum. I firmly believe that it is the responsibility of the Free to protect the slaves, collared or not. However, I know many such groups that would simply say, "you don't have a collar so your 'nominally Free' and therefore on your own." This is just laziness in my opinion. Too they'll say you're a slave and unowned so you have to obey all and everyone no matter what. That too is false. As an unowned slave you still have a say and aren't a doormat. Do what feels right and follow your brain at times more then your heart. Though your heart may too be right. It always comes down to your right to choose. The Free of the community don't want to take responsibility for the slaves in their care. Which is wrong how much honor is there in that? If you get in trouble, that's your tough luck in their opinion. I don't consider them to be Goreans, but they do consider themselves such. Just be careful and trust only after you've actually gotten to know them.
The most important thing to remember when entering a Gorean Community is use your head. If it seems wrong, it probably is wrong for you, at least at that moment. Move into Gor at a pace that is comfortable for you. Whatever you do, though, don't just dive in or you will end up in over your head. The keys are patience and trust. Never forget that.
About The Gorean Lifestyle
As with all things, there are rules for the real time Master/slave relationship. These rules are important for maintaining a safe and healthy relationship. This page is meant to help guide you through those rules.
Interaction between the Master and the slave
The real time Gor relationship is more then a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and, as with all relationships, has its own unique way of dealing with things. When interacting in this relationship, it is easy to forget the Master/slave part and interact totally as boyfriend/girlfriend. This is a typical mistake. Its important to remember that you entered into this relationship because both parties require the power exchange of the Master and slave. When dealing with issues of the relationship, it is important that you both remember your positions in the relationship and maintain your positions. So how do you do that? Well here is how:
A. Communication
All communication between the Master and the slave will be done in a calm manner, reflecting the respect that they both feel for the other, and with the understanding of the specific needs of both parties.
* The slave will remember that she is a slave and will speak only when given permission and be silent when told to be, no matter what her thoughts on the issue are. The Free Person should make an effort, however, to give the slave a chance to speak when appropriate.
*The slave will not interrupt the Free Person. In turn the Free Person should avoid interrupting the slave unless necessary.
* The slave will never raise his/her voice to the Free. In turn the Free should avoid raising their voice whenever possible.
*Both parties need to listen to the other.
* Neither party should jump to conclusions, and should make every effort to question and make sure they fully understand what is being said to them.
*Both parties should avoid making statements that could be taken as a personal attack.
*Both parties should try avoid using accusatory statements against the other.
*Both parties should make every effort to avoid exaggerations of the situation to outside third parties as well as to one other.
*Both parties agree should not to contradict the other, in front of others. If either party disagrees with the other, they will speak of it at an appropriate time.
B. The decision making process
Should a decision be needed the slave is expected to express her thoughts and feelings in a respectful manner, to her Master, when asked. Once her Master has a full grasp of the slaves needs in the matter, He will make the final decision. This does not mean the Master must hear everything the slave has to say (although it is a good idea to hear the slave out). The slave is expected to abide the Master’s decision, even if she does not fully understand it or agree with it.
C. Making time for one another
This is a relationship and while there are many other things that need to be done, it is essential that you both make time for one another and for talking about the relationship. There should be time set aside each day, for talking and communicating. When figuring this time into your day, you should not include play time, sleep time, or time where the another party is involved in other activities. This times should be uninterrupted time for dealing with the relationship and during this time, both parties should have each others undivided attention.
D. Punishing the slave
Sometimes a slave will make a mistake that requires the Master to take corrective action. The slave agrees to accept any punishment the Master decides to inflict, earned or not. However, this is an issue that should be handled with great care. The Master needs to take care that the punishment does not cross the line into abuse. So when punishing the slave, it is recommended that the Master follow a few simple rules:
1. Never discipline in anger. If the Free Person needs to, take a few minutes to go calm down, but make sure the slave knows your stepping away, not abating the punishment or abandoning the slave.
2. Never strike the face. A light to medium open-hand slap can be normal in some relationships however, usually lifting the kajira's face and staring into the kajira's eyes, as you talk, works well.
3. Never break skin on purpose. If it should happen, tend to it immediately. Soothe the scrapes with lotion while speaking softly to the kajira.
4. Never leave a bound slave unattended. Accidents can happen and the kajira is in no position to assist herself
5. Never play or discipline under the influence of drugs or alcohol. ** This rule applies to both parties. **
6. Never take any action that might cause the slave to loose consciousness
7. Never withhold any necessary materials, such as food, water, or sunlight for more then 24 hours.
8. Never take the punishment to the point of permanent bodily harm
9. Always explain why the discipline is occurring. Discipline must occur for a specific reason. To arbitrarily discipline breaks down the kajira's trust in you.
10. The punishment should fit the offense.
11. Discipline should always be followed with tenderness and love. The infraction has been dealt with, and is past. As a Free Person, do not ever hold a grudge against the kajira. Allow the kajira always to be forgiven. In turn, the kajira should never hold a grudge against the Free Person.
